Wednesday, June 30, 2004
*I'm split in two*
I still don't know what feelings to go with. I appreciate everyone's advice and help. But...I dunno, you know?
I feel so torn. On the one hand, I want to, and on the other hand....I still want to be alone. I think I am going to just let it ride. I'm going to say yes to it and see where it goes and try and understand why I am having these two completely opposite view points. I mean, just because we are continuing doesn't automatically mean that it will work out indefinetely. That's what dating is for, to see if the "shoe fits", per say. I just need to remember that and relax, I think. I worry too much and it's causing me stress that isn't needed. I'm going to slow it down. I think that might help. I need to walk this through.
Anyway, so my quiet evening with puppy and some vidja'games as Rob likes to call it, didn't work out in the end. I was invited out to a pub with "he-who-must-not-be-named" and I declined. It's not that I didn't want to go...I was just exhausted and I didn't feel like drinking or losing horribly at pool that night, after I had been destroyed by that BIO exam (no seriously guys, I *guessed* the whole test. I was done in 1.5 hours out of 3 hours!!). So I finished cleaning, had a shower, made some muffins (oh whatever, just those "add water and egg white" mix--fat free lemon poppyseed Mmm) and I was starving but I had no food and didn't feel like chicken, so I had two of those muffins with a cup of tea and played Mario Party. And I was losing horribly. I just wanted to savagely murder Mario and his entire gang for beating me. haha. I said something that was interpreted wrong by "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" and I apologized and we started chatting again. He mentioned that he was going to see Spiderman 2 with his friend and his friend's ex. Well I kinda wanted to see that-and I couldn't believe there was a midnight advanced screening... so I just blatantly said, "Why didn't you invite me, you bloke!" I didn't actually expect him to turn around and seriously invite me to go. He was dead serious. Was even going to take me home after (well I wouldn't have gone otherwise. Like hell I'm finding my way back home on a bus at 3am). So for some reason, even though I declined the pub and was feeling rather meh to the whole thing...for some reason my brain switched over and now I was going out to see a movie with him. I had a really good time. I made it just in time before our ride was there.....won't talk about the creepy subway ride up. I swear everyone was staring at me. creepy. It was a really good movie and I enjoyed my time. HWMNBN's friend drove us home, starting with me, and I thought that was really nice since we were coming from like, the finch area!! And I'm as south as you can go! (by union station). I came in and puppy was so happy to see me. I think he was devasted when I left because I took him out for a quickie before I left and he thought that we were going to bed-like we usually do after I take him out for the last time at night. The look on his face when I actually left was sad. haha. I had a bowl of cereal cuz I was starving. I didn't eat anything at the theatre. I don't need any more sugar or fatty foods :p and puppy went on the end of my bed, and I got into my bed and we fell asleep.
Today I am sitting here...it's almost noon...I am going to work out first cuz I haven't done a single workout for a few days cuz of that stupid exam and studying. Then get ready. Apparently I am meeting HWMNBN and he is going to help me get my groceries and come back here and then we are going to go shopping downtown-well he is, I'm just tagging along :p
My actions are in conflict with my thoughts here, you might be thinking.
That's because I have two different streams of thought on the matter!!
Why me! Why can't life just be simple!! haha.
I still don't know what feelings to go with. I appreciate everyone's advice and help. But...I dunno, you know?
I feel so torn. On the one hand, I want to, and on the other hand....I still want to be alone. I think I am going to just let it ride. I'm going to say yes to it and see where it goes and try and understand why I am having these two completely opposite view points. I mean, just because we are continuing doesn't automatically mean that it will work out indefinetely. That's what dating is for, to see if the "shoe fits", per say. I just need to remember that and relax, I think. I worry too much and it's causing me stress that isn't needed. I'm going to slow it down. I think that might help. I need to walk this through.
Anyway, so my quiet evening with puppy and some vidja'games as Rob likes to call it, didn't work out in the end. I was invited out to a pub with "he-who-must-not-be-named" and I declined. It's not that I didn't want to go...I was just exhausted and I didn't feel like drinking or losing horribly at pool that night, after I had been destroyed by that BIO exam (no seriously guys, I *guessed* the whole test. I was done in 1.5 hours out of 3 hours!!). So I finished cleaning, had a shower, made some muffins (oh whatever, just those "add water and egg white" mix--fat free lemon poppyseed Mmm) and I was starving but I had no food and didn't feel like chicken, so I had two of those muffins with a cup of tea and played Mario Party. And I was losing horribly. I just wanted to savagely murder Mario and his entire gang for beating me. haha. I said something that was interpreted wrong by "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" and I apologized and we started chatting again. He mentioned that he was going to see Spiderman 2 with his friend and his friend's ex. Well I kinda wanted to see that-and I couldn't believe there was a midnight advanced screening... so I just blatantly said, "Why didn't you invite me, you bloke!" I didn't actually expect him to turn around and seriously invite me to go. He was dead serious. Was even going to take me home after (well I wouldn't have gone otherwise. Like hell I'm finding my way back home on a bus at 3am). So for some reason, even though I declined the pub and was feeling rather meh to the whole thing...for some reason my brain switched over and now I was going out to see a movie with him. I had a really good time. I made it just in time before our ride was there.....won't talk about the creepy subway ride up. I swear everyone was staring at me. creepy. It was a really good movie and I enjoyed my time. HWMNBN's friend drove us home, starting with me, and I thought that was really nice since we were coming from like, the finch area!! And I'm as south as you can go! (by union station). I came in and puppy was so happy to see me. I think he was devasted when I left because I took him out for a quickie before I left and he thought that we were going to bed-like we usually do after I take him out for the last time at night. The look on his face when I actually left was sad. haha. I had a bowl of cereal cuz I was starving. I didn't eat anything at the theatre. I don't need any more sugar or fatty foods :p and puppy went on the end of my bed, and I got into my bed and we fell asleep.
Today I am sitting here...it's almost noon...I am going to work out first cuz I haven't done a single workout for a few days cuz of that stupid exam and studying. Then get ready. Apparently I am meeting HWMNBN and he is going to help me get my groceries and come back here and then we are going to go shopping downtown-well he is, I'm just tagging along :p
My actions are in conflict with my thoughts here, you might be thinking.
That's because I have two different streams of thought on the matter!!
Why me! Why can't life just be simple!! haha.
