Saturday, November 06, 2004
Honestly, I have a procrastination problem as of late.
It's terrible!
My workload is becoming very stressful to me. I guess I have a lot on my mind. Most of it having to do with my plans for next year. I keep thinking about it! I'm really excited. But, I feel so strange at the same time. Sitting on the streetcar lately has even become different because I'm looking at Toronto from the window in this new light. That, this isn't my home and this isn't my city. I keep drifting through memories of the past 3 years. Even when things were rough, they were all good memories. I am going to miss so much of everything but at the same time, I feel like I've completed a journey or some kind of learning quest. I've learned so much about myself from my time spent away from home in the big city. I'm sure I'll learn more throughout the course of this year, too. I remember my last year of highschool so distinctly, it is as if it were only yesterday. I remember how much I wanted to get away. How I battled with my parents. The first few years, I was relieved to live in Toronto and away from home, and sometimes when I went home to visit, I came back reinforced with how glad I was to be away. This year has been different, though. For some reason home seemed more inviting and I was sad to go back to Toronto the past few times. I haven't been fighting with my parents anymore, either. I think we have nothing to fight about anymore. I'm older and nearly done my program-I've shown them how serious and dedicated I am to things and that I'm always trying to make the right choice, or the wise choice, and the best choices. They don't say ridiculous things to me anymore. And Toronto, just doesn't fit right any longer.
It's as if I have come full circle. and I'm ready to leave and move on to the next stage of my life. Where that is, I'm not sure.
But one year break between my years in Toronto, and the years of grad school or whatever in the future, is much needed.
On another happy note, my best friend has decided that he is going to finish his undergrad before he tries a college program (some pretty sweet college programs out there!), but through distance with Athabasca and live at home, too, to save money and take the work at his own pace. As my sister describes Athabasca -"hand in assignments whenever! write your exams anytime!" haha. So I am so excited that my best friend will still be around. It will be so strange because old times will be upon us. Our late night conversations at the big Tim Hortons near our old highschool on fridays, has to be my favourite. Just simple things and traditions that just really stuck with you. It will be so strange to be back into them. I know what's going to happen, too. The past 3 years in Toronto is going to feel like a dream. And it's going to feel strange.
Anyway, today I procrastinated-as mentioned!!
But I did manage to get some research done, a few translations in Middle EGyptian done, and some translation work in Hebrew. So, at least I can say i did something. :s but again, spent more time mulling over things. I did the online application for the exchange today, too. (exchange applications are now online if you want to do an exchange!!!). I figure, I try to get all of the planning and thoughts out of my system asap or it will just interfer constantly. I have an obsessive compulsive need to plan things. haha the worst part is, Rob is kind of like that too, so when we both get together on an idea, we waste sooo much time hahaha. We call ourselves dreamers. :p
Anyway, with 2 research papers due, unrealistic amounts of translation work in both middle Egyptian and Hebrew, grammar to be studied, things to be read--keeping the anxiety down has been nothing short of difficult. I'm just trying to work aws hard as I can and hope that good comes out of it. Thank god for my blog, hahah, it releases so much tension--writing things out, that is. Whether or not anyone is interested in reading my lengthy blatherings. haha. ...omg tuesday is so close, and I have barely practiced highland dancing too ahhh!
tomorrow, I have to promise not to procrastinate. To wake up early and walk the dog and immediatly sit down into my work.
Only 7 more months to go! Although, I really am enjoying every moment I have at U of T, for my classes, work, and friends, and etc--it's funny that some part of me really is counting down to going back home. The funny part comes in when I distinctly remember counting down my last year of highschool so I could get *away* and come to Toronto.
Bah, I better stop -Here I go again, reflecting, reflecting, reflecting. I could muse about my entire life for the length of an epic novel.
Goodnight!
It's terrible!
My workload is becoming very stressful to me. I guess I have a lot on my mind. Most of it having to do with my plans for next year. I keep thinking about it! I'm really excited. But, I feel so strange at the same time. Sitting on the streetcar lately has even become different because I'm looking at Toronto from the window in this new light. That, this isn't my home and this isn't my city. I keep drifting through memories of the past 3 years. Even when things were rough, they were all good memories. I am going to miss so much of everything but at the same time, I feel like I've completed a journey or some kind of learning quest. I've learned so much about myself from my time spent away from home in the big city. I'm sure I'll learn more throughout the course of this year, too. I remember my last year of highschool so distinctly, it is as if it were only yesterday. I remember how much I wanted to get away. How I battled with my parents. The first few years, I was relieved to live in Toronto and away from home, and sometimes when I went home to visit, I came back reinforced with how glad I was to be away. This year has been different, though. For some reason home seemed more inviting and I was sad to go back to Toronto the past few times. I haven't been fighting with my parents anymore, either. I think we have nothing to fight about anymore. I'm older and nearly done my program-I've shown them how serious and dedicated I am to things and that I'm always trying to make the right choice, or the wise choice, and the best choices. They don't say ridiculous things to me anymore. And Toronto, just doesn't fit right any longer.
It's as if I have come full circle. and I'm ready to leave and move on to the next stage of my life. Where that is, I'm not sure.
But one year break between my years in Toronto, and the years of grad school or whatever in the future, is much needed.
On another happy note, my best friend has decided that he is going to finish his undergrad before he tries a college program (some pretty sweet college programs out there!), but through distance with Athabasca and live at home, too, to save money and take the work at his own pace. As my sister describes Athabasca -"hand in assignments whenever! write your exams anytime!" haha. So I am so excited that my best friend will still be around. It will be so strange because old times will be upon us. Our late night conversations at the big Tim Hortons near our old highschool on fridays, has to be my favourite. Just simple things and traditions that just really stuck with you. It will be so strange to be back into them. I know what's going to happen, too. The past 3 years in Toronto is going to feel like a dream. And it's going to feel strange.
Anyway, today I procrastinated-as mentioned!!
But I did manage to get some research done, a few translations in Middle EGyptian done, and some translation work in Hebrew. So, at least I can say i did something. :s but again, spent more time mulling over things. I did the online application for the exchange today, too. (exchange applications are now online if you want to do an exchange!!!). I figure, I try to get all of the planning and thoughts out of my system asap or it will just interfer constantly. I have an obsessive compulsive need to plan things. haha the worst part is, Rob is kind of like that too, so when we both get together on an idea, we waste sooo much time hahaha. We call ourselves dreamers. :p
Anyway, with 2 research papers due, unrealistic amounts of translation work in both middle Egyptian and Hebrew, grammar to be studied, things to be read--keeping the anxiety down has been nothing short of difficult. I'm just trying to work aws hard as I can and hope that good comes out of it. Thank god for my blog, hahah, it releases so much tension--writing things out, that is. Whether or not anyone is interested in reading my lengthy blatherings. haha. ...omg tuesday is so close, and I have barely practiced highland dancing too ahhh!
tomorrow, I have to promise not to procrastinate. To wake up early and walk the dog and immediatly sit down into my work.
Only 7 more months to go! Although, I really am enjoying every moment I have at U of T, for my classes, work, and friends, and etc--it's funny that some part of me really is counting down to going back home. The funny part comes in when I distinctly remember counting down my last year of highschool so I could get *away* and come to Toronto.
Bah, I better stop -Here I go again, reflecting, reflecting, reflecting. I could muse about my entire life for the length of an epic novel.
Goodnight!
