Saturday, December 04, 2004
*A sharp turn to the right and all has changed*
I've always been partial to a static flow of life. I know change is usually good, but it is hard. I think most people can relate to that. But I like a routine. I get comfortable. I hate change from that.
Today was one of those breaking points in one's life where everything changes. I've been through a number of them, each harder then the last. This is probably one of the most difficult. Today, I said farewell to Rob. With a quick hug, he was walking down the hall to the elevator to where his parents were waiting with the packed up truck below. He would never return to Toronto again. Our time together in TO was now a packet of memories to be stored away. A chapter in our lives gone. Despite that his leaving is NOT my sole reason for leaving Toronto next year, I can't help but to admit that it plays a tiny part. I needed a change, too. Rob has left U of T and his life in Toronto to return home and seek a new and different path, and I feel that perhaps I should too. That is why I will likely go to McMaster next year. Western would be good, but the prospect of finishing the archaeology is more appealing than the plain NMC degree where I need just more languages (blah). But, I'll see what I decide when the time comes.
Anyway....It feels odd sitting in the living room on the leather recliner that is still here, my tea on the wooden side table beside me, the TV on its stand in front of me, and the window close by on the left. It's getting dark now, but the wind and the rain has been howling for hours. It's amusing that it started after they left. Dreary, cold, bitter, wet, and lonely looking. Sigh. I always feel sad in these situations. I'll really miss his company. I'll miss the times we had together. But I just gotta remember that it's not all lost or anything, I mean, while I'm in rez next term--we'll have msn!! And webcam so I can see my puppy.
Ah, Puppy, that put me into tears last night. It sounded like his parents weren't allowing Rob to take him for the 4 months. When they left to their guest suite, I freaked out. I couldn't study or concentrate. I was so unhappy. I didn't know what to do otherwise! I had no where else for him! It was foolish for me to believe that they were going to...argh..I stayed up as late as I could until I could finally fall asleep without being kept awake all night with the thought of it. I wanted the problem to disappear. I went to bed hoping that it was all a dream and I wouldn't have to face this problem when I awoke. I just couldn't bare it! Nothing ever works out for me! When I woke up-to the sound of them knocking at our door-his parents came in to help move the furniture out and casually talked about where they were going to keep Neron (some rooms not allowed in) and then just asked me how many months I'd be gone again. I was dumbfounded. I stuttered in repliance that it was only 4 months, less than that really. I have never felt as grateful about something as I did today. My life felt in one piece again!!
It's kind of lonely here all alone, in the big living room where mostly everything has been removed. The weather is suiting lol. I need to study for my test on Monday -the last one before I go home!! But it is difficult. I'm trying to relax, took some tylonal for my headache, had tea and whatnot, watched a show, took the dog for a short walk (the weather is awful)...I think I'm ready to start. And I have to study hard...I only have tonight and tomorrow and Monday morning/afternoon!! I CAN do it! I barely have tomorrow, actually, because my parents are in town at the Royal York *rolls eyes* (don't wanna know how much my mum is making my dad pay) and are visiting my aunt and her kids, and tomorrorw they are coming by with our station wagon to load up all of our books and smaller items. I'm sure they'll want to take me out to eat, too. I gotta keep focused with the time I have and not waste it.
I can't wait to get home and be moved back. This place is just kind of a sad empty memory that I don't want to linger in for too much longer. I don't know how long I'll be here, though. My test is Monday night and my dad has to come back to get me and the dog. Anyway, x-mas holidays should be nice! Besides writing a research paper and studying for a Hebrew exam! :s but at any rate....it will be more relief. And knowing that my dog has somewhere good to go during 2nd term and Rob will be there for him, I feel so much better. I feel so *relieved*!
Good luck on your exams everyone! Happy Christmas and holidays!
I've always been partial to a static flow of life. I know change is usually good, but it is hard. I think most people can relate to that. But I like a routine. I get comfortable. I hate change from that.
Today was one of those breaking points in one's life where everything changes. I've been through a number of them, each harder then the last. This is probably one of the most difficult. Today, I said farewell to Rob. With a quick hug, he was walking down the hall to the elevator to where his parents were waiting with the packed up truck below. He would never return to Toronto again. Our time together in TO was now a packet of memories to be stored away. A chapter in our lives gone. Despite that his leaving is NOT my sole reason for leaving Toronto next year, I can't help but to admit that it plays a tiny part. I needed a change, too. Rob has left U of T and his life in Toronto to return home and seek a new and different path, and I feel that perhaps I should too. That is why I will likely go to McMaster next year. Western would be good, but the prospect of finishing the archaeology is more appealing than the plain NMC degree where I need just more languages (blah). But, I'll see what I decide when the time comes.
Anyway....It feels odd sitting in the living room on the leather recliner that is still here, my tea on the wooden side table beside me, the TV on its stand in front of me, and the window close by on the left. It's getting dark now, but the wind and the rain has been howling for hours. It's amusing that it started after they left. Dreary, cold, bitter, wet, and lonely looking. Sigh. I always feel sad in these situations. I'll really miss his company. I'll miss the times we had together. But I just gotta remember that it's not all lost or anything, I mean, while I'm in rez next term--we'll have msn!! And webcam so I can see my puppy.
Ah, Puppy, that put me into tears last night. It sounded like his parents weren't allowing Rob to take him for the 4 months. When they left to their guest suite, I freaked out. I couldn't study or concentrate. I was so unhappy. I didn't know what to do otherwise! I had no where else for him! It was foolish for me to believe that they were going to...argh..I stayed up as late as I could until I could finally fall asleep without being kept awake all night with the thought of it. I wanted the problem to disappear. I went to bed hoping that it was all a dream and I wouldn't have to face this problem when I awoke. I just couldn't bare it! Nothing ever works out for me! When I woke up-to the sound of them knocking at our door-his parents came in to help move the furniture out and casually talked about where they were going to keep Neron (some rooms not allowed in) and then just asked me how many months I'd be gone again. I was dumbfounded. I stuttered in repliance that it was only 4 months, less than that really. I have never felt as grateful about something as I did today. My life felt in one piece again!!
It's kind of lonely here all alone, in the big living room where mostly everything has been removed. The weather is suiting lol. I need to study for my test on Monday -the last one before I go home!! But it is difficult. I'm trying to relax, took some tylonal for my headache, had tea and whatnot, watched a show, took the dog for a short walk (the weather is awful)...I think I'm ready to start. And I have to study hard...I only have tonight and tomorrow and Monday morning/afternoon!! I CAN do it! I barely have tomorrow, actually, because my parents are in town at the Royal York *rolls eyes* (don't wanna know how much my mum is making my dad pay) and are visiting my aunt and her kids, and tomorrorw they are coming by with our station wagon to load up all of our books and smaller items. I'm sure they'll want to take me out to eat, too. I gotta keep focused with the time I have and not waste it.
I can't wait to get home and be moved back. This place is just kind of a sad empty memory that I don't want to linger in for too much longer. I don't know how long I'll be here, though. My test is Monday night and my dad has to come back to get me and the dog. Anyway, x-mas holidays should be nice! Besides writing a research paper and studying for a Hebrew exam! :s but at any rate....it will be more relief. And knowing that my dog has somewhere good to go during 2nd term and Rob will be there for him, I feel so much better. I feel so *relieved*!
Good luck on your exams everyone! Happy Christmas and holidays!
