Monday, July 25, 2005
I feel restless.
I'm so fargone with my novel that there is no possibility of turning back. I have to see it through, now. Half of the scene-plotting is done, which means for me, it's been unravelled in my mind visually. But now I need the twists and the ending and it's driving me mad. It's driving me mad to the point where it's all my mind thinks about when I try to sleep, to the point of keeping me awake. It's kind of crazy actually!
I'm also restless because I'm sick of working on the chip truck. I'm so sick of the customers. One of them almost drove me over the edge the other day. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does. I can't deal with the public anymore. I can't service stupidity. Needless to say, I now have a countdown for the remainder of my shifts until I leave for school. And oh god how I can't wait to return to school. That's also what is making me restles:. I'm really excited to go back this year. I just want to get back to it...I guess books are all I know. I know I complained a lot about last year but I've taken a perspective on it, after all, I had a 6.0 course load and I'm not THAT brilliant. 3.5-4 courses this year will be comfortable and I'm really looking forward to it (and no more Advanced Hebrew! booya!). Plus my best friend is coming back!!! He'll be living at one of the other residences but I'm so excited. ....and Though I enjoy being home, I feel like I've left my world behind at U of T...and my friends. I know I have friends here from my year, but it feels like time and experience has created a gulf that can no longer be crossed. Whimsical hopes of finding myself back home this summer didn't exactly fail but instead pointed me back in the direction I had come. But sometimes you need to walk away to find yourself back.
But shaking myself out of this reverie, I'd have to say that nothing else is really going on. I don't know why exactly I want to go back so badly right now. It's not like I have a terrible summer. Sure 4/7 days a week on the chip truck is pure hell, and the other 3 days of staring at my dad's accounting books is crap too...oh and trying to find time to read and write is frustrating too--writing itself is frustrating. It drives you insane!...anyway...:s I don't know!
I went to soccer last night and my ankle is just as bad as it ever was. I don't know what's going on with it. If I land on it wrong, it feels like it's going to collapse. And I could barely run at top speed because of it...although at some points I could. It was so weird. I played forward too--the other team were short of players and weren't doing so hot, so our coach switched our defense to forward and forward to defense! So I had the displeasure of trying to play forward...that was an interesting scary experience! When I got the ball I just wanted to kick it up the pitch but then I realized..oh wait..I'm it...ahh!!
In other news, the weather is too hot. I demand more rainy cool days. Also, I'm working on getting a flat stomach through working out. So my routine and eating have changed a little bit. Less carbs and more protein, more running but concentrated (not 30 mins every dya but like an hour 4x a week) plus a lot of emphasis on weight training and the like...but decreasing my sugar and carb intake (even though it was pretty low/healthy to begin with) has started to help with improvements.
I also ordered a box of protein bars with only 1g of sugar, low in carbs and fat (fairly, considering) and high in protein so that I can have a snack with tea at night (which is a ritual for me) and still cut down on what I'm eating at night.
Anyway, yada yada yada-5 more weeks to go.
I just spent an hour browsing through my archives...man...I change my mind a lot...I plan and plan and change my plans and make new plans and change those too. I think I do it to combat boredrum or something...ah well. I think I do it less now.
I mean, what am I doing next year? I haven't a fucking clue. I'm going to do my best for my fourth year at U of T and apply for my masters. Then we'll see what happens.
Magic.
I'm so fargone with my novel that there is no possibility of turning back. I have to see it through, now. Half of the scene-plotting is done, which means for me, it's been unravelled in my mind visually. But now I need the twists and the ending and it's driving me mad. It's driving me mad to the point where it's all my mind thinks about when I try to sleep, to the point of keeping me awake. It's kind of crazy actually!
I'm also restless because I'm sick of working on the chip truck. I'm so sick of the customers. One of them almost drove me over the edge the other day. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it does. I can't deal with the public anymore. I can't service stupidity. Needless to say, I now have a countdown for the remainder of my shifts until I leave for school. And oh god how I can't wait to return to school. That's also what is making me restles:. I'm really excited to go back this year. I just want to get back to it...I guess books are all I know. I know I complained a lot about last year but I've taken a perspective on it, after all, I had a 6.0 course load and I'm not THAT brilliant. 3.5-4 courses this year will be comfortable and I'm really looking forward to it (and no more Advanced Hebrew! booya!). Plus my best friend is coming back!!! He'll be living at one of the other residences but I'm so excited. ....and Though I enjoy being home, I feel like I've left my world behind at U of T...and my friends. I know I have friends here from my year, but it feels like time and experience has created a gulf that can no longer be crossed. Whimsical hopes of finding myself back home this summer didn't exactly fail but instead pointed me back in the direction I had come. But sometimes you need to walk away to find yourself back.
But shaking myself out of this reverie, I'd have to say that nothing else is really going on. I don't know why exactly I want to go back so badly right now. It's not like I have a terrible summer. Sure 4/7 days a week on the chip truck is pure hell, and the other 3 days of staring at my dad's accounting books is crap too...oh and trying to find time to read and write is frustrating too--writing itself is frustrating. It drives you insane!...anyway...:s I don't know!
I went to soccer last night and my ankle is just as bad as it ever was. I don't know what's going on with it. If I land on it wrong, it feels like it's going to collapse. And I could barely run at top speed because of it...although at some points I could. It was so weird. I played forward too--the other team were short of players and weren't doing so hot, so our coach switched our defense to forward and forward to defense! So I had the displeasure of trying to play forward...that was an interesting scary experience! When I got the ball I just wanted to kick it up the pitch but then I realized..oh wait..I'm it...ahh!!
In other news, the weather is too hot. I demand more rainy cool days. Also, I'm working on getting a flat stomach through working out. So my routine and eating have changed a little bit. Less carbs and more protein, more running but concentrated (not 30 mins every dya but like an hour 4x a week) plus a lot of emphasis on weight training and the like...but decreasing my sugar and carb intake (even though it was pretty low/healthy to begin with) has started to help with improvements.
I also ordered a box of protein bars with only 1g of sugar, low in carbs and fat (fairly, considering) and high in protein so that I can have a snack with tea at night (which is a ritual for me) and still cut down on what I'm eating at night.
Anyway, yada yada yada-5 more weeks to go.
I just spent an hour browsing through my archives...man...I change my mind a lot...I plan and plan and change my plans and make new plans and change those too. I think I do it to combat boredrum or something...ah well. I think I do it less now.
I mean, what am I doing next year? I haven't a fucking clue. I'm going to do my best for my fourth year at U of T and apply for my masters. Then we'll see what happens.
Magic.
