Wednesday, December 14, 2005
"Every impulse that we strive to strangle broods in the mind, and poisons us..." -Wilde
ALRIGHT ALREADY! I can't stand the complaining!! It's almost as bad as blogging itself!
So, apparently, disturbingly, I'm back...by... popular demand....At least my exams and term papers are over....jerks.
I'M ON CHRISTMAS BREAK YAHHHHHHHHH WOO!
Tuesday morning, I was really starting to feel the effects of many many sleepless nights. I had actually missed breakfast for the first time ALL YEAR the day prior. I struggled to drag myself out of bed for breakfast that morning. I was up late again, finishing the references for my last paper. Oh well. The rest of the day consisted of me slooowwllyy working out, cleaning my room, packing, running errends (ie. returning library books and taking new ones out), and getting picked up around 5pm by my dad who drove all the way to Toronto to pick me and my brother up for X-Mas break. I'm not going to lie, I took out a stack of books from the library to read over the break. From Robarts....from the archaeology and geology section.....I'm going to stop talking now. I went down to the dining hall before my dad arrived and hugged everyone goodbye. I was excited to go home, to get away from everything, to be certain--but I felt a strange pang of saddness with leaving my residence for three weeks regardless. It's my home, too. All of my friends there are my family. I had to remind myself that it was only 3 weeks - a holiday break - it's not like I was leaving for the summer. It was probably related also to the first term being over. I can't believe it's done and gone already. I love school. I love being there. I don't want it to end so fast. And I feel like there's never enough time to progress relationships with people. I can't wait for 2nd term!! Carpe Diem, all the way.
Anyway, it was a long night. We drove all the way up Yonge st and got over into Mississauga, which took forever, and went to eat at some random restaurant for dinner. Then I had to talk. So I tried telling him everything good that's been going on with school over the past month since I've been home. They always ask but then seem really indifferent when I finally explain it all. Sometimes I think my dad hates the program I'm in. I always feel like I'm constantly justifying things. And that everything I say is just to prove myself, trying to measure up. There was nothing worse than having to tell them about going back for a 5th year... What's worse is that they can still make me falter in every word I say. Boo.
We spent some time just driving around the area, jazz station on, looking for a flipping Starbucks--which apparently doesn't exist outside of downtown Toronto - because my mum wanted something for some x-mas gifts. But we didn't find one. I didn't much care. We got to the airport around 9:30pm and walked around a bit. I got a tea from the Timmys there and we sat in the arrivals at Air Canada and waited for his flight, scheduled to arrive at 10:30pm from THunder Bay. I read from my current book, Picture of Dorian Gray by Wilde the entire while, intermited with a good 10 minutes of struggling with my newly broken zipper of my coat in the washeroom. I was not happy. The bottom part of the zipper's teeth got jumbled and so it got stuck. And I frantically tried to pull it off but I couldn't because the sleeves were too constricting. Then I freaked. Then I started to overheat. That caused my freaking to increase. It was like this horrible feedback system. Finally, in absolute mad panic, I pulled and tugged until it broke free. Relieved that I wouldn't have to go back outside to stupidly tell my dad that my zipper was stuck - apparently I have a fear of all things humiliating - I went back to reading my book until my brother arrived.
It was so nice to see him again. He looks a bit older now and he seemed slightly different. But only slightly. I hadn't seen him in 4 months!! But I was just so glad to hear that he did well at school and that he worked hard. The drive home was eventless and actually felt really short. The three hours just whisked by as I drowsily settled myself into the multiple hoods of my sweater and coat, earphones on, watching the snow fall as it was illuminated by passing lights. And then bam, we were home. It was around 1:30am by that point. My dogs were completely overjoyed for me and my brother to both walk in the door. They didn't even know how to handle it. They raced around madly outside and then ran inside and began play fighting as a show for us. Exchanged some brief conversation with my mum, who had waited up for us in the family room, and then dodged upstairs to my room. The whole house, including my room, was spotless and organized. Downstairs was even decorated for Christmas--it was eerie. I unpacked my clothes - gonna be here for 3 weeks, might as well - while my brother came into my room to use my laptop's wireless internet and we chatted for a bit. I had a good laugh when he asked me about a book, though.
"Do you have this book I need for my literature class?"
"Uh....What book?" I wasn't really listening, tucking a few clothes into my dresser.
"I don't know, I don't remember what it's called. Berea..era..something..some lady..some..book."
I scratched my head and glanced at my large bookshelf against the wall. I didn't usually carry any literature on that shelf. It was chock full of archaelogy, Ancient Near Eastern stuff, classics, science fiction, modern fiction, biology, astronomy, sciences, languages....I knelt down to the small bookspace that my tv sat upon and rummaged through there, remembering having seen something before. I saw it but doubted that the one piece of literature to exist on my shelves was the one he needed. I offered it up anyway.
"Sorry, I only have one book. It's Jane Eyre."
He whirled around and his face lit up. "NO! That's the one!! That's the one I need!"
And we just started cracking up.
What were the odds of that.
Actually, I'm completely lying about the lack of "literature" thing. Though this isn't going to make it that much better, I DO have some other books...I have The Idiot by Doestovsky, The Dubliners by James Joyce, a Jane Austen collection, and a bunch of Shakespeare. There.
Anyway, then I went to bed. I could barely wake up the next morning. My body is still begging to catch up on my sleep. But it was to no avail because my labrador retriever, Neron, came to nudge me with his nose at 9:30am. He just barges through my door. He can't slip into my room. He has to make a huge spectacle of an entrance. BOOM! with the door flying open.
Groggily, I slipped out of my warm, comfortable bed that is oh so much better than my residence bed for a billion reasons and went downstairs. I slipped into my boots and threw my coat over top of my pajamas and tugged my hat over my head to let the dogs outside. Still only half-awake, I stood there shivering looking absolutely pathetic while I waited for them to hurry the hell up. They were expecting a walk. I KNOW what they wanted. Whenever I come home, they LIVE for the morning because I usually get up early and take them for a walk in the back park between 7:30-8:30am. Well, not today. I let them back in and went to turn the kettle on. I sat down at the TV in the family room with my cereal and tea and flipped through channels, in stupidified awe -- because I hadn't so much looked at a TV since I had last been home a month ago. Nothing was on though, figures. I settled for watching bits of Daily Planet on Discovery and Return of the King on the movie network. Why did it have to be the spider scene? Why! That scene scares me.
Afterwards, I put on all my winter gear-including my old worn snowpants (just fleece lined rain pants, really), my Banff coat, my outdoor gloves I leave at home, scarf, hat and my heavy winter Columbia wellington boots. Oh, and my ipod. I took them around the perimeter of the park like I usually do, but did 2 laps instead. I loved it. I love the winter. We have so much snow here,too. I came back in a half hour later, my face red with cold and in dire need of another cup of tea. Which I had. I pretty much spent the rest of the day reading from my stack of books, flipping the TV channels mindlessly - always noting there being nothing to watch and turning it off just as quick, walking the dogs, and drinking tea haha. I watched part of Kingdom of Heaven but was so disappointed with it. Movies are such crap these days. I watched the last episode of Rome though. I do enjoy that show, try to watch the eps once and a while when i can.
The highlight of the day was discovering a new brand of tea in our tea cupboard. Barry's Irish Tea from Cork, Ireland. So flipping good!! My mum's friend Dr. O'Leary gave a box to her at work and she has no idea where he got it from. I will probably drink the entire box. Sadly.
Nothing really else to mention now. I wanted to start working on this novel idea but I feel too lazy to start writing. Or just nervous. Sometimes I get agitated when I'm going to write because there are so many different ways I could go about setting it up or directions the story will take that I freeze in making a choice. And then just walk away from it.
But then I have trouble reading novels because I keep wanting to go work on my own. I have my own personal ADD.
My dad just came in to give me a list of "cleaning stuff up" chores to do for the week. wtf. The house is already so clean. Oh well.
I'm going to go to bed now. I want to get up early. And I need sleep.
Enjoy my boring, long, tedious post. Suckers.
You asked for it.
So, apparently, disturbingly, I'm back...by... popular demand....At least my exams and term papers are over....jerks.
I'M ON CHRISTMAS BREAK YAHHHHHHHHH WOO!
Tuesday morning, I was really starting to feel the effects of many many sleepless nights. I had actually missed breakfast for the first time ALL YEAR the day prior. I struggled to drag myself out of bed for breakfast that morning. I was up late again, finishing the references for my last paper. Oh well. The rest of the day consisted of me slooowwllyy working out, cleaning my room, packing, running errends (ie. returning library books and taking new ones out), and getting picked up around 5pm by my dad who drove all the way to Toronto to pick me and my brother up for X-Mas break. I'm not going to lie, I took out a stack of books from the library to read over the break. From Robarts....from the archaeology and geology section.....I'm going to stop talking now. I went down to the dining hall before my dad arrived and hugged everyone goodbye. I was excited to go home, to get away from everything, to be certain--but I felt a strange pang of saddness with leaving my residence for three weeks regardless. It's my home, too. All of my friends there are my family. I had to remind myself that it was only 3 weeks - a holiday break - it's not like I was leaving for the summer. It was probably related also to the first term being over. I can't believe it's done and gone already. I love school. I love being there. I don't want it to end so fast. And I feel like there's never enough time to progress relationships with people. I can't wait for 2nd term!! Carpe Diem, all the way.
Anyway, it was a long night. We drove all the way up Yonge st and got over into Mississauga, which took forever, and went to eat at some random restaurant for dinner. Then I had to talk. So I tried telling him everything good that's been going on with school over the past month since I've been home. They always ask but then seem really indifferent when I finally explain it all. Sometimes I think my dad hates the program I'm in. I always feel like I'm constantly justifying things. And that everything I say is just to prove myself, trying to measure up. There was nothing worse than having to tell them about going back for a 5th year... What's worse is that they can still make me falter in every word I say. Boo.
We spent some time just driving around the area, jazz station on, looking for a flipping Starbucks--which apparently doesn't exist outside of downtown Toronto - because my mum wanted something for some x-mas gifts. But we didn't find one. I didn't much care. We got to the airport around 9:30pm and walked around a bit. I got a tea from the Timmys there and we sat in the arrivals at Air Canada and waited for his flight, scheduled to arrive at 10:30pm from THunder Bay. I read from my current book, Picture of Dorian Gray by Wilde the entire while, intermited with a good 10 minutes of struggling with my newly broken zipper of my coat in the washeroom. I was not happy. The bottom part of the zipper's teeth got jumbled and so it got stuck. And I frantically tried to pull it off but I couldn't because the sleeves were too constricting. Then I freaked. Then I started to overheat. That caused my freaking to increase. It was like this horrible feedback system. Finally, in absolute mad panic, I pulled and tugged until it broke free. Relieved that I wouldn't have to go back outside to stupidly tell my dad that my zipper was stuck - apparently I have a fear of all things humiliating - I went back to reading my book until my brother arrived.
It was so nice to see him again. He looks a bit older now and he seemed slightly different. But only slightly. I hadn't seen him in 4 months!! But I was just so glad to hear that he did well at school and that he worked hard. The drive home was eventless and actually felt really short. The three hours just whisked by as I drowsily settled myself into the multiple hoods of my sweater and coat, earphones on, watching the snow fall as it was illuminated by passing lights. And then bam, we were home. It was around 1:30am by that point. My dogs were completely overjoyed for me and my brother to both walk in the door. They didn't even know how to handle it. They raced around madly outside and then ran inside and began play fighting as a show for us. Exchanged some brief conversation with my mum, who had waited up for us in the family room, and then dodged upstairs to my room. The whole house, including my room, was spotless and organized. Downstairs was even decorated for Christmas--it was eerie. I unpacked my clothes - gonna be here for 3 weeks, might as well - while my brother came into my room to use my laptop's wireless internet and we chatted for a bit. I had a good laugh when he asked me about a book, though.
"Do you have this book I need for my literature class?"
"Uh....What book?" I wasn't really listening, tucking a few clothes into my dresser.
"I don't know, I don't remember what it's called. Berea..era..something..some lady..some..book."
I scratched my head and glanced at my large bookshelf against the wall. I didn't usually carry any literature on that shelf. It was chock full of archaelogy, Ancient Near Eastern stuff, classics, science fiction, modern fiction, biology, astronomy, sciences, languages....I knelt down to the small bookspace that my tv sat upon and rummaged through there, remembering having seen something before. I saw it but doubted that the one piece of literature to exist on my shelves was the one he needed. I offered it up anyway.
"Sorry, I only have one book. It's Jane Eyre."
He whirled around and his face lit up. "NO! That's the one!! That's the one I need!"
And we just started cracking up.
What were the odds of that.
Actually, I'm completely lying about the lack of "literature" thing. Though this isn't going to make it that much better, I DO have some other books...I have The Idiot by Doestovsky, The Dubliners by James Joyce, a Jane Austen collection, and a bunch of Shakespeare. There.
Anyway, then I went to bed. I could barely wake up the next morning. My body is still begging to catch up on my sleep. But it was to no avail because my labrador retriever, Neron, came to nudge me with his nose at 9:30am. He just barges through my door. He can't slip into my room. He has to make a huge spectacle of an entrance. BOOM! with the door flying open.
Groggily, I slipped out of my warm, comfortable bed that is oh so much better than my residence bed for a billion reasons and went downstairs. I slipped into my boots and threw my coat over top of my pajamas and tugged my hat over my head to let the dogs outside. Still only half-awake, I stood there shivering looking absolutely pathetic while I waited for them to hurry the hell up. They were expecting a walk. I KNOW what they wanted. Whenever I come home, they LIVE for the morning because I usually get up early and take them for a walk in the back park between 7:30-8:30am. Well, not today. I let them back in and went to turn the kettle on. I sat down at the TV in the family room with my cereal and tea and flipped through channels, in stupidified awe -- because I hadn't so much looked at a TV since I had last been home a month ago. Nothing was on though, figures. I settled for watching bits of Daily Planet on Discovery and Return of the King on the movie network. Why did it have to be the spider scene? Why! That scene scares me.
Afterwards, I put on all my winter gear-including my old worn snowpants (just fleece lined rain pants, really), my Banff coat, my outdoor gloves I leave at home, scarf, hat and my heavy winter Columbia wellington boots. Oh, and my ipod. I took them around the perimeter of the park like I usually do, but did 2 laps instead. I loved it. I love the winter. We have so much snow here,too. I came back in a half hour later, my face red with cold and in dire need of another cup of tea. Which I had. I pretty much spent the rest of the day reading from my stack of books, flipping the TV channels mindlessly - always noting there being nothing to watch and turning it off just as quick, walking the dogs, and drinking tea haha. I watched part of Kingdom of Heaven but was so disappointed with it. Movies are such crap these days. I watched the last episode of Rome though. I do enjoy that show, try to watch the eps once and a while when i can.
The highlight of the day was discovering a new brand of tea in our tea cupboard. Barry's Irish Tea from Cork, Ireland. So flipping good!! My mum's friend Dr. O'Leary gave a box to her at work and she has no idea where he got it from. I will probably drink the entire box. Sadly.
Nothing really else to mention now. I wanted to start working on this novel idea but I feel too lazy to start writing. Or just nervous. Sometimes I get agitated when I'm going to write because there are so many different ways I could go about setting it up or directions the story will take that I freeze in making a choice. And then just walk away from it.
But then I have trouble reading novels because I keep wanting to go work on my own. I have my own personal ADD.
My dad just came in to give me a list of "cleaning stuff up" chores to do for the week. wtf. The house is already so clean. Oh well.
I'm going to go to bed now. I want to get up early. And I need sleep.
Enjoy my boring, long, tedious post. Suckers.
You asked for it.
